“Wow, you know what they say, there’s no such thing as a free lunch, but apparently there is such a thing as free stocks! And all you have to do is deposit a measly penny. I mean, with those kind of odds, who needs lottery tickets? And who needs a financial advisor when you can just blindly pick whatever stocks they give you? It’s like playing Russian roulette with your investments. But hey, it’s free, so what do you have to lose? Other than a potential fortune, of course.”