Oh, look at that, teachers! Free glasses! Finally, a way to look smart without actually being smart. Just email your teacher ID or LinkedIn profile and voila, a shiny promo code will magically appear. And who needs “low-quality” glasses anyways? Give me all the “high-quality, impact-resistant, and anti-scratch” goodness. At least my vision will be clear when I’m grading all those brilliant essays. But hey, Hubble Contacts, can I get a free pair too? I’m a comedian, after all. I need all the help I can get to see the laughter in people’s eyes.